Successful students get involved and stay connected

You should be absurdly proud of yourself for making it to this point of the semester. No doubt you have hit several low points and high points. In an ideal world, you are completely and successfully adjusted to college life, but like anything else in life, “ideal” is something that we rarely arrive at. And that’s ok. Life is not always perfect. Life is messy and complicated, especially if you are trying your hand at new things like attending college. Similarly, like we discussed in Chapter 4: Time Management, time flies and can get away from us. And so, this chapter is going to introduce some new suggestions and return to some key information to set you up for success as you move onwards to different parts of your college experience.

Navigating the Social World of College

New college students may not immediately realize that you’ve entered a whole new world at college, including a world of other people possibly very different from those they have known before. This is a very important dimension of college—almost as important as the learning that goes on inside the classroom. How you deal with the social aspects and diversity of the college world has a large impact on your academic success. Enter this new world with an open mind and you’ll gain many benefits.

Registered Student Organizations

The college social experience also includes organized campus groups and activities. Participating in organized activities requires taking some initiative—you can’t be passive and expect these opportunities to come knocking on your door—but is well worthwhile for fully enriching college interactions.

The active pursuit of a stimulating life on campus offers many benefits:

Organized groups and activities speed your transition into your new life. New students are often overwhelmed by their studies and every aspect of a new life, and may be slow to build a new life. Rather than waiting for it to come along on its own, you can immediately begin broadening your social contacts and experiences by joining groups that share your interests.

Organized groups and activities help you experience a much greater variety of social life than you might otherwise. New students often tend to interact more with other students their own age and with similar backgrounds—this is just natural. But if you simply go with the flow and don’t actively reach out, you are much less likely to meet and interact with others from the broader campus diversity: students who are older and may have a perspective you may otherwise miss, upper-level students who have much to share from their years on campus, and students of diverse heritage or culture with whom you might otherwise be slow to interact.

Organized groups and activities help you gain new skills, whether technical, physical, intellectual, or social. Such skills may find their way into your résumé when you next seek a job or your application for a scholarship or other future educational opportunity. Employers and others like to see well-rounded students with a range of proficiencies and experiences.

Organized groups and activities are fun and a great way to stay healthy and relieve stress. Exercise and physical activity are essential for health and well-being, and many organized activities offer a good way to keep moving.

Whatever your interests, don’t be shy about checking out a club or organization. Do so here: Engage. Take chances and explore. Attending a meeting or gathering is not a commitment—you’re just going the first time to see what it’s like, and you have no obligation to join. Keep an open mind as you meet and observe other students in the group, especially if you don’t feel at first like you fit in: remember that part of the benefit of the experience is to meet others who are not necessarily just like everyone you already know.

{H5P get involved – benefits – don’t need to make}

Making New Friends

Have you ever wondered why we make friends? Is there a real need for friends in our lives, or can we thrive just fine in solitude? While occasional alone time is essential, most of us find that being alone for an extended period can lead to feelings of loneliness. As social creatures, humans derive a significant portion of their happiness from the relationships they build. Scientific studies have revealed that having good friends not only enriches our lives but also has profound effects on our well-being. In this article, we will explore the importance of friendship, the benefits it brings, and some practical tips for making new friends.

The Power of Good Friends:

Friendships go beyond casual interactions; they play a crucial role in our overall health and longevity. Researchers have found a strong correlation between having good friends and living longer, healthier lives. People with close social connections tend to experience lower stress levels, reduced blood pressure, and a decreased risk of depression. Sharing our experiences, thoughts, and feelings with friends can provide emotional support and a sense of belonging, which, in turn, contributes to our well-being.

Be Social – Step Out of Your Comfort Zone:

To make new friends, it’s essential to be social and step out of our comfort zones. Staying isolated and confined to our familiar spaces won’t lead to meaningful connections. Being social doesn’t necessarily mean attending loud parties; it can involve joining clubs or organizations that cater to our interests. Engaging in activities we enjoy allows us to meet like-minded individuals who share our passions, providing a natural foundation for friendships to blossom.

Communicating with old and new friends

Communication is at the core of almost all social interactions, including those involved in friendships and relationships with your professors. Communication with others has a huge effect on our lives, what we think and feel, and what and how we learn. Communication is, many would say, what makes us human.

Oral communication involves not only speech and listening, of course, but also nonverbal communication: facial expressions, tone of voice, and many other body language signals that affect the messages sent and received. Many experts think that people pay more attention, often unconsciously, to how people say something than to what they are saying. When the nonverbal message is inconsistent with the verbal (spoken) message, just as when the verbal message itself is unclear because of poorly chosen words or vague explanations, then miscommunication may occur.

Miscommunication is at the root of many misunderstandings among people and makes it difficult to build relationships. Remember that communication is a two-way process. Listening skills are critical for most college students simply because many of us may not have learned how to really listen to another person.

Roommate Issues

At many colleges students just out of high school must live in a campus residence hall. Other students may live in a shared apartment with new roommates. This is the first time many students have had to share a room, suite, or apartment with others who were not family members, and this situation may lead to conflicts and strong feelings that can even affect your academic success.

As in other interactions, the keys to forming a good relationship with a roommate are communication and attitude. From the beginning, you should talk about everyone’s expectations of the other(s) and what matters most to you about where you live. Don’t wait until problems happen before talking. It’s often good to begin with the key practical issues: agreeing on quiet hours for study (limiting not only loud music but also visits from others), time for lights out, neatness and cleaning up, things shared and private things not to touch.

Show respect for the other’s ideas and possessions, respect their privacy, and try to listen more than you talk. Even if your roommate does not become a close friend, you can have a harmonious, successful relationship that makes your residence a good home for both of you. Millions of college students before you have learned to work this out, and if both (or all) of you respect each other and keep communication open and non-confrontational, you will easily get through the small bumps in the road ahead, too. Follow these guidelines to help ensure you get along well:

Anticipate problems before they happen. Think about things that you consider essential in your living environment and talk with a new roommate about these essentials now.

Deal with any problem promptly. Don’t wait until a behavior is well established before speaking up, as if the other person will somehow catch on that it aggravates you. It may be as simple as a roommate using your coffee cup or borrowing your toothpaste without asking, but if you say nothing, trying to be polite, the habit may expand to other things.

Be patient, flexible, and willing to compromise. It may take a while for each of you to get used to each other and to establish a communication pattern of openness so that you can be honest with each other about what really matters.

Be warm, use humor, and be sensitive. Telling someone that they’re doing something bothersome can be very difficult for many people. Think before speaking, looking for the best way to communicate what you feel. Remember, you’ll be spending a lot of time around this person, so do you really want them to think of you as bossy or obsessive-compulsive?

Get out more. Sometimes it helps to spend more time elsewhere on campus, studying in the library or another quiet place. You just might need a certain amount of time a day alone. That’s fine, but don’t expect your roommate to have to leave just to give you that time alone!

In some situations and with some people who will not compromise and do not respect you and your needs, a roommate can be a serious problem. In some circumstances, you may be able to move to a different room. Room changes usually are not granted simply because you “don’t get along,” but certain circumstances may justify a change. The following are some examples:

• Your roommate smokes in the room.
• Your roommate uses illegal drugs, drinks alcohol underage, or conducts other illegal activities in the room.
• Your roommate repeatedly refuses to limit activities at any hour to allow you to sleep.
• Your roommate does anything that threatens your physical well-being or safety.
• Your roommate denies you your rights to practice your religion or other basic rights.

If you have a problem like this, first talk with your resident advisor (RA) or other residence hall authority. They will explain the process for a room change, if warranted, or other ways for managing the problem,

Here are some guidelines for how to listen effectively:

Talk less to listen more. Most people naturally like to share their thoughts and feelings, and some people almost seem unable to stop talking long enough to ever listen to another person. Try this: next time you’re in a conversation with another student, deliberately try not to speak very much but give the other person a chance to speak fully. You may notice a big difference in how much you gain from the conversation.

Ask questions. To keep the conversational ball rolling, show your interest in the other person by asking them about things they are saying. This helps the other person feel that you are interested in them and helps build the relationship.

Watch and respond to the other person’s body language. You’ll learn much more about their feelings for what they’re saying than if you listen only to their words.

Show the other person that you’re really listening and that you care. Make eye contact and respond appropriately with nods and brief comments like “That’s interesting!” or “I know what you mean” or “Really?” Be friendly, smile when appropriate, and encourage the person to keep speaking.

Give the other person feedback. Show you understand by saying things like “So you’re saying that…” or asking a question that demonstrates you’ve been following what they’re saying and want to know more. As you learn to improve your listening skills, think also about what you are saying yourself and how.

Here are some guidelines for how to effective speaking:

Be honest, but don’t be critical. Strongly disagreeing may only put the other person on the defensive—an emotion sure to disrupt the hope for good communication. You can disagree, but be respectful to keep the conversation from becoming emotional. Say “I don’t know, I think that maybe it’s…” instead of “That’s crazy! What’s really going on is.…”

Look for common ground. Make sure that your side of a conversation relates to what the other person is saying and that it focuses on what you have in common. There’s almost no better way to stop a conversation dead in its tracks than to ignore everything the other person has just said and launch into an unrelated story or idea of your own.

Avoid sarcasm and irony unless you know the person well. Sarcasm is easily misunderstood and may be interpreted as an attack on the other person’s ideas or statements.

Don’t try to talk like the other person, especially if the person is from a different ethnic or cultural background or speaks with an accent or heavy slang. The other person will feel that you are imitating them and maybe even making fun of them. Be yourself and speak naturally.

While not imitating the other person, relate to their personality and style of thinking. We do not speak to our parents or professors the exact same way we speak to our closest friends, nor should we speak to someone we’ve just met the same way. Show your respect for the other person by keeping the conversation on an appropriate level.

Remember that assertive communication is better than passive or aggressive communication. Assertive in this context means you are honest and direct in stating your ideas and thoughts; you are confident and clear and willing to discuss your ideas while still respecting the thoughts and ideas of others. A passive communicator is reluctant to speak up, seems to agree with everything others say, hesitates to say anything that others might disagree with, and therefore seldom communicates much at all. Passive communication simply is not a real exchange in communication. Aggressive communication, at the other extreme, is often highly critical of the thoughts and ideas of others. This communication style may be sarcastic, emotional, and even insulting. Real communication is not occurring because others are not prompted to respond honestly and openly.

Choose your conversations wisely. Recognize that you don’t have to engage in all conversations. Make it your goal to form relationships and engage in interactions that help you learn and grow as a person. College life offers plenty of opportunities for making relationships and interacting with others if you keep open to them, so you needn’t try to participate in every social situation around you.

Balancing Schoolwork and Social Life

If there’s one thing true of virtually all college students, it’s that you don’t have enough time to do everything you want. Once you’ve developed friendships within the college community and have an active social life, you may feel you don’t have enough time for your studies and other activities such as work. For many students, the numerous social opportunities of college become a distraction, and with less attention to one’s studies, academic performance can drop. Here are some tips for balancing your social life with your studies:

Keep working on your time management skills. You can’t just “go with the flow” and hope that, after spending time with friends, you have enough time (and energy) left over for studying. Make a study schedule that provides enough time for what you need to do. Study first; socialize after.

Keep working on your study skills. When you have only a limited amount of time for studying, be sure you’re using that time as effectively as possible as you read assignments and prepare for class, organize your notes after class, and prepare for tests.

If you can’t resist temptations, reduce them. If you are easily distracted by the opportunity to talk with your roommate, spouse, or family members because you study where you live, then go to the library to study.

Make studying a social experience. If studying keeps you so busy that you feel like you don’t have much of a social life, form a study group. You will learn more than you would alone by gaining from the thoughts of others, and you can enjoy interacting with others without falling behind.

Keep your social life from affecting your studying. Simply scheduling study time doesn’t mean you’ll use it well. If you stayed up late the night before, you may not be able to concentrate well as you study for that big test. This is another reason for good time management and scheduling your time well, looking ahead.

Get help if you need it. If you’re still having difficulty balancing your study time with other activities, talk with your academic advisor or staff in the Student Success Center. Maybe something else is keeping you from doing your best. Maybe you need some additional study skills or you need to get some extra help from a tutor or campus study center. Remember, we want you to succeed and will try to help those who seek help.

When and How to Say No

For all the benefits of an active social and campus life, too much of any good thing can also cause trouble. If you join too many groups, or if you have limited time because of work and family commitments, you may spend less time with your studies—with negative results.

Don’t join too many organizations or clubs. Most advisors suggest that two or three regular activities are the maximum that most students can handle.

Work on your time management skills. Plan ahead for study time when you don’t have schedule conflicts. If you have a rich social life, study in the library or places where you won’t be tempted by additional social interaction with a roommate, family member, or others passing by.

Don’t be afraid to say no. You may be active in a club and have plenty of time for routine activities, but someone may ask you to spend extra time organizing an upcoming event just when you have a major paper deadline coming up. Sometimes you have to remember the main reason you’re in college and just say you can’t do it because you have to get your work done.

If you really can’t resolve your time conflicts, seek help. Talk with your program coordinator, an academic advisor, or a counselor. They’ll help you get back on track.

Navigating Changing Relationships with Family and Friends Back Home

The college years are a time of many changes, including one’s relationships with parents, siblings, and one’s own children and partners. Any time there is change, issues may arise. As in other relationships, try to understand the other’s perspective. Honesty is particularly important—but with tact and understanding. Here are some tips for getting along:

Understand that your parents may not change their attitudes toward you as quickly as you yourself may be changing. They may still think of you as a younger person in need of their continued guidance. They will worry about you and fear that you might fall in with the wrong crowd or engage in risky behavior. Be patient. Take the time to communicate, and don’t close yourself off. Let them gradually accept you as a more mature person who can make your own decisions wisely.

Stay in touch. You may be busier than ever and feel you haven’t time for a phone call or email, but communication is very important for parents—especially if they are now empty nesters without other children at home. Even if they seem to want too much involvement in your life and to make decisions for you, realize that this at least in part is simply a desire to stay in touch with you—and to feel they still matter in your life.

Use your best listening skills. Understanding what they’re really feeling, which is often simply a concern for you born of their love for you, will usually help you know best to respond.

Be assured that over time your parents and other family members will get used to your being on your own and will accept your ability to make your own decisions. Time itself often solves issues.

With your own family, now that you are busier than ever with classes and work, you may need to pay special attention to ensuring you stay active in family relationships. Schedule times for family outings and make room in your days for casual interactions. But remember, it’s not how much time you spend together but the quality of that time, so give your family your full attention when you are together.

Stress and Returning to Reflection

As we discussed in Chapter 2: Wellness, we learned that we all live with occasional stress. Since college students often feel even more stress than most people, it’s important to understand it and learn ways to deal with it so that it doesn’t disrupt your life.

Stress is a natural response of the body and mind to a demand or challenge. The thing that causes stress, called a stressor, captures our attention and causes a physical and emotional reaction. Stressors include physical threats, such as a car we suddenly see coming at us too fast, and the stress reaction likely includes jumping out of the way—with our heart beating fast and other physical changes. Most of our stressors are not physical threats but situations or events like an upcoming test or an emotional break-up. Stressors also include long-lasting emotional and mental concerns such as worries about money or finding a job.

In Chapter 8: Reflect and Mindfulness, you learned about building a reflect practice that grounds you in the present. Being able to reflect on your learning, your experiences, and your physical and mental health, aids in your ability to process information, apply learning strategies, and communicate your thoughts and ideas.

Progression to a more sophisticated reflection takes time and practice. Use the following self-assessment tool to determine your current stage of development in reflective practices and opportunities for growth. Here is the rubric:

Figure X: Self Assessment Rubric for the Self-Reflection Series

Assess Your Self-Reflection Skills

Summary

• You will have many opportunities to get involved in Campus life; it is up to you to inquire and participate in these social activities, clubs and sports.
• Attending a meeting or gathering isn’t a commitment. Feel free to explore. It will help transition you into your new college life, gain new skills, stay healthy and relieve stress.
• Once you’ve settled in at college, you may not have enough time for activities or work. Keep using your time management and study skills to help balance schoolwork and social life.
• Because social interactions frequently involve conflicting values, behaviors, or ideas, it’s important to respect others, stay open minded, be open to compromise, and understand how to resolve conflicts.
• Acknowledge that family relationships will likely change after you enter college and work to ease the transition for everyone.
• Stress is natural, but loads of stress can lead to physical and mental obstacles.
• Creating a practice of reflection helps in mitigate current and future stress.

Resources, Licenses, and Attributions:

A Guide for Successful Students 2nd ed. Copyright © 2023 by Irene Stewart, Aaron Maisonville, and Nicolai Zriachev, St. Clair College is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.

Envision YU – Critical Reflection Copyright © 2024 by Envision YU, York University is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License, except where otherwise noted.